True Life: I Survived a Relationship with a Narcissist

Lately I have seen numerous post and conversations that involve interactions and relationships with narcissists. I can honestly say I am brave enough to share my experience…so here goes.

(Inserts deep sigh)

Disclaimer…TRIGGER WARNING

I got involved with this guy who was familiar though I did not know much about him. We had been friends on social media for years, but I had always ignored his flirting. This one particular time I actually entertained his advances and it had proven to be one of the worst decisions in my life (little did I know). He caught me at a very vulnerable time, and I can admit I was bored and lonely.

They prey on the vulnerable. Especially empaths.

Fast forward a couple weeks later and I’m talking to this guy every day, all day. I would wake up and go to sleep on the phone with him. It was so obsessive that I never had time to do anything else. It was smothering. Little did I know, this was the first phase, love bombing.

A couple more weeks went by, and we were in a relationship and eventually moved in together. All felt rushed and forced. All of which I expressed but he manipulated me into thinking this was normal. Everything was going good though. I had a companion, someone I trusted. Someone I shared my past life experiences with. I was extremely comfortable in this relationship, comfortable to be myself. Extremely rare for me because I am a closed book. And one day, that all changed. I had been devalued.

We attended an event together. We spent time getting ready so I was super excited like ok, I can show people this man I talk about all the time. We rarely went out, so this was just perfect. Boy, was I wrong. By the end of night, I was being accused of cheating. Apparently, my co-worker “hugged me too long”. I was completely dumb founded. I thought I would have gotten more credit than that. I know not to bring sand to the beach. OK! I had never been disrespected by any man I have ever dealt with the way that dude disrespected me that night. Every ugly thing I told him about myself was brought up during that argument. I was so hurt and confused. I honestly felt that in that moment this man completely hated me! The relationship was never the same after that. It was a wrap.

I spent the next couple of months plotting my exit. Word to the wise, when a person shows you who they are, believe them the first time. I kept hoping he would turn back into the person I fell for…but that was never him. It was all for show. It was not until the relationship was over that I realized the trauma and damage I endured in this sham of a relationship. I developed insecurities about myself I never knew existed. Being gaslighted and manipulated takes an unconscious toll on you.

Please understand in no way am I bashing him (because he would love to tell people I am bitter about the breakup). I do in fact want people to understand that there are a lot of broken people in this world who do not care about taking advantage of your kindness. There are a lot of people in this world who have abandonment issues and suffer from childhood traumas. Those toxic type of people will get upset with you for making them face their own demons. If you do not listen to anything I’ve tried to convey, listen to this… “IT IS NOT YOUR JOB TO FIX BROKEN PEOPLE.”

Research had proven the title “narcissist” fit him like it was his first name. The love bombing, the devalue, and the discard. Oh, the discard. I learned of his infidelity after the breakup. The man acted like our relationship was the reason he could not get ahead in life. The nerve, right?! I gave so much of myself in that relationship. ALL OF ME! But let me tell you, nothing you ever do is good enough. They are extremely ungrateful. I digress. I had become unattractive and undesirable at this point or at least that is what he told every woman (new supply) he pursued after me. Yes, I saw all the text messages, the pictures, the videos, and the DMs from social media. At first, I was upset because I thought he was treating these other people better than me. It was a front. But then I was disgusted. Like, this man really made me think I was the problem. Whole time he knew I had figured him out, so he had to save face quick. Started this whole smear campaign and dogged me out to whoever would listen. There I was, left to pick up the pieces of my own life while he moved on like nothing ever happened. Acknowledging no guilt. Taking no responsibility. However, here I am a year later comfortable with the peace I have found.

I am not writing this to get sympathy, yet I wanted others who have experienced this type of trauma to understand they are not alone. I want you to know that someone else’s bad spirit does not have to hoover over you and become your guilt. It is ok to acknowledge your journey and live your truths. One thing I do know about karma, is that hell have no fury. Cry if need to, I did. But when you get the strength to hold your head up, understand that is a blessing to be a person who loves as hard as you do. Do not dim your light just because it appears to be too bright for others. Be exactly who you are called to be and never compromise who you are to accommodate what others lack.

Be blessed.

Ase.