Protect Your Energy

I remember the state of mind I was in fresh off a break up a couple months ago. I was an emotional wreck. Some days I would have these crying spells. Then I'd be angry and then at peace all in the same day. I had never cried over a person I was in a relationship with until then. I thought I was a complete sucker. It was like every time I was on my way to being okay he'd pop up out of nowhere, disturbing my peace. And because I still had feelings for him I'd entertain the conversations. And guess what, I would be right back at step 1. I thought we were good, speaking again, getting back to normal. An argument would occur and I'd be right back to hating the thought of him. UNHEALTHY! Once I had grown exhausted of the back and forth I realized how much energy I wasting on nonsense. I was literally wasting all this energy trying to prove to myself that I wasn't hurt. I understood that in order for me to heal I had to accept my feelings good or bad. I had to be real with myself. I had to acknowledge that the ending of this relationship affected me in ways I couldn't understand. Loving a person in spite of is one of the strongest emotions I've ever denied. I also had to understand that I didn't have to be a damn fool in the process.

Once I accepted my truth, I cried some more. I talked with some really dear friends that nurtured my broken spirit and spoke life back into me. (IT PAYS TO HAVE A GROUP OF GREAT FRIENDS.) I realized that my worth wasn't determined or tied to a failed relationship. I accepted that not everything in life works out the way its planned, but it does work out for the good of the latter. Everyday afterwards was more challenging than the next but I was determined to get back to me.

Happiness is a journey, not a destination.