Depression: The Silent Killer

I’d be the first to tell you that depression was never a word I’d associate with myself. I thought because I prayed, paid my tithes, did right by others, and walked as closely to a straight line that I’d be immune. I was wrong! Here I was 26 and living life but I was lonely. Yes, I had family and friends but nothing compares to being empty on the inside.

I thought by the time I was 27 I would be happily married with children, have a thriving career in my field, and living a life I dreamed. Instead, I was home with my mom and her husband. I had a job I took because the pay was decent and my love life couldn’t have been any further from marriage. Every one I saw on social media was getting engaged, starting families, and thriving. I was merely existing. Surely, God must have fallen asleep when it was my turn for him to hand out my blessings. I kept thinking, I thought I did everything right. I graduated high school, graduated college, pledged a sorority, and managed to not to become a single parent, but I was still far behind on where I thought I should be.

If you ever want to make God laugh, tell him the plans you have for your life. HA!

So I removed myself from the social scene. Food had become so comforting to me that I grew dependent of it. I took some time off work hoping that time with myself and God would be just what I needed to shake myself out of this funk. A week went by and I thought, "Boo you got this, you just needed a little 'me time'”. Another week went by and I didn’t even care to get out of bed. I wanted to be alone all the time. Food again became my fix. What is going on with me? Why is this hopelessness feeling so overwhelming?

The doctor prescribed me medications. "This doctor must really think I’m crazy because he prescribed me medication," I thought. I wasn’t going to take the medicine because it was all a game in my head. “Omega, you are fine! Medicine is for crazy people. This is nothing that a little prayer can’t handle.” So I kept going about my life but still I felt like nothing was changing. I made an appointment to see a specialist because I couldn't allow myself to feel that way any longer.

I was depressed. I never thought about carrying out a plan of suicide but I did question my purpose for being here. I gained so much weight that even my comfortable clothes were too small. I was running up credit cards buying materialist things I thought would bring me just a little piece of joy. If you would’ve told me that I would suffer from some type of mental issue, I’d probably would have blessed you out. But, depression is real. Those strong people that always seem like they have it all together are sometimes dying for someone to be strong for them. Those people that give the best advice are hoping someone will care enough to be their listening ear. I was prideful. I felt like my issues were between me and God. I was always readily available to offer myself to others but never opened my mouth when I needed help.

I am here to tell you that God is! He placed people in positions to reach us even when we think he isn’t listening. It’s important at this point in our lives that we acknowledge and live our truths. It’s important that we be intentional with our prayers. It’s even more important to keep your circle positive. Not everyone is going to understand your struggle but those that love you won’t hinder you on your road to recovery.

For all those that are going through what I like to call a “valley experience” I want you to know you are not alone. God can not bless you where you are comfortable. It is time for us to be more honest with ourselves so that we can continue being the light that God chose us to be. Seeking help should not be optional. Yes prayer works but faith without work is…

Be Blessed